EMS Miranda Rights
You have the right to be spinal immobilized, despite the fact that you were only hit at the speed equivalent to that of a sloth on Valium.
If you give up this right to abuse the system, any attempt to fake neck pain later on can and will be used against you in the course of me starting multiple, painful, large-bore IVs.
You have the right to distract the ER physician from treating any real patients and to have an attorney present, which is why the ER staff will do needless tests and procedures to begin with, just so they can cover their own butts.
If you cannot afford a new car, a new car will be won for you by your unethical, ambulance-chasing, low-life, blood-sucking lawyer—by tying up the judicial system for years in the hopes that the poor :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: who tapped your back bumper will settle out of court, at no cost to you.
If you understand these rights as read to you, please nod your head violently up and down.